I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Alive.
So much puke
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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