Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
