The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
