Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
