Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
foreskin is a definite game changer
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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