I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
