I'm going to rape someone's good day.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
