somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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