I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
