Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
