My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
