there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
