It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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