I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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