have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
