Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
