I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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