I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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