She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
