Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
