It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I stole a fireplace last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
