I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
