I wanna bring you to show and tell
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
