Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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