Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
