I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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