I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
