I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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