i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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