hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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