Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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