you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
