Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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