So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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