i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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