Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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