GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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