You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
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my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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