Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
