guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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