Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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