My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
