there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
