I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
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