help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
