He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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