She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
