fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
