just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
