marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
