i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
did i just pee glitter
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
