well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
