if only i could text you this smell
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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