My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
