It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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