I'm really into asian looking animals
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
