the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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