I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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