Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I know her cup size but not her name....
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