Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
