The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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