The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
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