her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
