Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
