i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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