Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
