I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
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The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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